i'm losing my mind again. i cant think properly. sometimes suicide even comes to my mind. other days, i just feel like running away. i just cant sit in the office doing nothing. most of the time i've to wait for her to come into the office to settle all my work. and she's hardly in office nowadays. i kmow its for a serious matter but i just cant take it. why am i stuck here? why must i be tortured here? jobs are difficult to find in this bad state of economy. nowadays i find it hard to sleep at night. i hate my life. i hate staying here. i hate the people here. i hate everything in my life now.

tigger's got a job interview for internship in singapore. if he really get the job, it'll be worst for me. that time i think i'll just give up on life. however i cant ask him to stay here for the sake of me. i've to let him go for his own future. and when its time, only then will i know what to do.

u.

-u were nvr there for me, so stop pretending that u care about me. i know i dont.

-u pretend that i'm your bestest friend. but please. i dont need u.

-u think i dont know what u're doing behind my back. but think again. i'm not as dumb as u think i am.

-everytime i see u, i feel like that is the end of the world.

-i hate seeing u so happy behind me but when i'm around, u act as if someone raped u just to get sympathy from me.

-dont get me started on ur pathetic emo life.

-i think i should ask chris brown to whack u nicely so that u know what it feels like to abandon ur friends.

-i noticed that everytime i said i wanna do something or buy something or go somehere, u will overtake me and do it. get a life.

-i think u're just a piece of shit, no?

-one day when u've realised ur mistakes, u'll see that it's already too late as i've moved on. having a much better life without u. thanks, much.

lately i've been feeling empty. like no emotions or feelings. i really dont know why. met up with andred and sara yesterday and although i've not seen them for quite some time, i didnt feel excited or happy. of course i was laughing all the way when they were joking around but then i still feel empty inside. even now, at work, i feel so low and emotion-less. i need some excitement in my life. i need someting to look forward to. well, actually there is. i'm going back to melaka this saturday as monday is a public holiday. but i still feel empty because it'll be another 4 days till i go back.

tigger started his new job in jaya 33 in nagomi. he works 8 hours per day with 3 hours of break!!! what a nice job. halfway work can go back to sleep for a couple of hours and then back to work again... best...

dad came last saturday. was soooo glad to see him. we then went to my sen sei's house in kepong. had lotsa sushi. yumm yumm.. after that my cravings to make sushi came back after it was gone for a year. hehe... will try to do it now that i have more time on my hands.