kareena and anjali-my 2 favourite kids

i miss my primary school friends...

i went for jogging in bkt serindit today...
i wasn't in the mood to jog. my whole body felt so weak.
then went to the shop and help out...
came back home at about 12 something and swept and mop the whole house.
and now here i am.
checking my mails and friendster.
and funny thing is that i've found my ex-primary schoolmates in friendster and the best part was that they still remember my full name. after all these years...about 12 years..it really made my day just to know that there are still some people in this world who still remember me. i miss them a lot...

i hope one day you'll be on my side...

today was not a really fun day. i did some research in the morning but was quite bored. only in the afternoon my malay colleague gave me some work. and i noticed that maybe she gave me those work cos she thought she might not be able to finish it up on time. i felt a bit hurt as she only gave me work cos of that. i told my mum about it and as usual she blamed me. i wasn't complaining, i was just saying. they are great when i need help from them to teach me that's all. and she said that she noticed that i always complain about things wherever i work. no matter how much i say it, she just won't blame the other party and it is always my fault. and then she said the most hurtful thing to me...

"no wonder you don't have any friends..."

it was a stab in my heart. because i'm a bit sensitive when it comes to the subject of friends. she doesn't know how many times i've been betrayed by the people who used to be my "friends". she doesn't know all the threats i've received because i was being nice. she doesn't know that the reason why i berhati batu is because i really can't trust people anymore. people talk bad about me eventhough i've been nothing but nice to them. people think i'm a bad person just because i get mostly what i want. i've been backstabbed and lied to so many time and she doesn't know about all the hurt i've gone through because of friends. i don't wanna tell her all this. because i know she'll say it's my fault and that i deserve it. i hope one day she'll realise that no one is as perfect as her. and not everyone are able to be strong like her. my happy face is just a mask to cover up my sadness and sorrow. i won't take out this mask because i don't want her to blame me again.

from now on, i'll just do my work and be like a robot in the office. just follow everything they say and no need to be friends or try to be extra nice. i only want the experience, not to be nice and make friends there. from now on, this is what i'll do in every place i work. even if they talk shit about me, i'll just keep quiet and do my work and don't care about anything. i've already developed a thick skin because of all the bad experience since last time so i don't care! this is my life and i can do whatever i want. i don't need friends to make me feel good. i have 2 friends in my life (sara and andrea) and that's all. i don't need more friends. people nowadays are so fake and not trustworthy so it's better that i don't get myself into trouble. better be safe than sorry.

p/s: aikido pics will be posted up soon.

i had more work to do today...first half of the day i was doing a little research.then after lunch time, boss gave me so many things to do. and i struggled a little cos everything was very new to me. i think i've to talk to my boss tomorrow to just let her know about this. so that she knows about my situation.

i had wan tan mee yesterday for lunch and noodle soup for today. and surprisingly, food there in melaka raya is good. and there are so many shops to choose from. i love that place. ooops...maybe not love lah... like only lah...cos i only love my boyfriend :D

i have nothing else to blog today except one little announcement...samy vellu lost his sungai siput seat to opposition party and anwar's daughter defeated shahrizat (si bodoh). yahoo and hurray to all!!!

bye...

a new day...

i've started my new job today. i feel ok about it. it was 100 times better than klca. i think klca sucked and gave me a lot of problems. a lot of bullies there. the biggest bully was siew ping. siew ping, if you're reading this, i wish you all the best and i hope one day someone else will bully you and then you will know the feeling of being bullied! if i see you anywhere on the road needing help, I WON'T HELP YOU! anyway, back to my new found job, i like it there. one of my malay colleague is actually my classmate from primary school and she remembers me but i couldn't. there are 3 other chinese ladies and one of them is a little unfriendly. i think it was because i took her place and she was moved way back of the office. alone. anyway, she's a chambering student. today, my boss asked me what i wanna do in that firm. whether i wanna be a paralegal or just a normal legal clerk. so i told him i wanna be paralegal and he instantly gave me an assignment for me to do research on. in short, i'm comfortable working there. finally, my short term goal is achieved. and i'm moving up slowly. hopefully, my dream of working in australia will be fulfilled soon. maybe not so soon lah...hopefully in 6-7 years time...

"you ni rupa macam Melayu, cakap pun macam orang Melayu..."

today's post will be about anger and the ability to control it or just let it go. i believe everyone is entitled to be angry at other people or other things. however, it is good to just let it go rather than to keep it in your heart and wait for the day everything blows out of proportion. i used to be an angry person, heck, i used to be a very angry girl. i would keep everything inside and one day just burst. however, thanks to my loved ones around me, i managed to control my anger and just be cool about it and never keep everything inside. it's alright to be angry for just a certain period of time but after that certain period, you have to just forget about it and just enjoy the rest of the day. no point being angry for the whole day or whole week (or worst the entire lifetime!) because at the end of the day, you will be the only one who will not benefit from anything. so it is always good to just ignore everything that's making you angry and just enjoy life. although i'm writing all this as if i'm an expert, i still do have a lot to learn. i'm still trying to learn to control my anger and let everything cool off after that. so let's all together learn to control our anger and this world will be a more peaceful place to live in... :D

-bye for now-

"will you be my camera man at my wedding?"

yesterday was the day when some of the japanese aikido masters came to melaka and demonstrated some techniques to us. some of them are above the age of 60 and they're still going strong. i couldn't believe it! 10 minutes into the practice, i was already out of breathe and the japanese fellas didn't show any sign of tiredness! but it was great that they were there... i've learnt a lot and know where are my mistakes with regards to certain techniques. later that night, we went for dinner at a nearby reataurant and the food was good except for one particular dish...frog meat! i didn't try it at all as i hated frogs... another geli creature alongside iguanas. after that they wanted to go for karaoke and marcus forced me to go but i didn't as it was already very late at night.
oh..and another thing was that i finally got a job! in moi&partners. the husband and wife are the bosses there and the wife asked me to do attachment there and gain the necessary experience. the pay will only be determined once she discuss with her husband. i'll start on monday. there are 4 workers there and one of them is a malay. i'm glad that there is a little bit of mixture of races there as i do not like to work in a place where there are all chinese people because most chinese tend to discriminate or look down on those who have different skin colour or just simply look different. they only like those who are fair-skinned and can speak chinese. anyway, since i've got a job now, my plan is to stick to the job no matter what and just gain some experience. then maybe after a year or 2 or 3 maybe, i'll look for a better job and then my plan to move to australia to work will be more realistic!

"i will be quiet for the next 2 days and you tell me which one you prefer...me being talkative or me being quiet.."

looking for a job is tough. real tough. i've been sending my resumes to so many companies but none of them replied. except for one (standard chartered), which was a disaster. luckily, i didn't accept the offer as they require me to move to kl and the salary (allowance) was only rm500. it's not that i want a higher pay or anything but how am i suppose to survive in kl with rm500? i have an interview tomorrow in melaka raya (dnmc international) for the position of management trainee. if that one doesn't turn out well, i'll probably attend the jusco walk-in interview in wangsa maju. but hopefully i'll get the melaka raya one so that i don't need to travel. believe me, travelling is tiring. speaking of travelling, i think i might do my own self-study rather than attending the classes in brickfields college. i've not decided 100% because i need to think it through first. but i confirm will re-sit my last 2 papers. and speaking of studies, my dear passed all his 4 papers with distinction! i'm so proud of him! sadly, i can't belanja him or buy him anything now but one day i will. ok dear...one day i will buy for you anything that you want ok...as a gift for being such a brilliant student...muah...